Censure of Old Man Who Hath Sharted
During Ye Solemn Proceedings at
Ye Conference Center of Ralph Macchio

 

WHEREAS the Ancient and Independent Order of the J.M.R.G. (whose original acronymical meaning has been lost in the mists of time) is an august and sacred fraternal Order of Estimable Members;

 

WHEREAS the proceedings of such Order have always been (with the exception heretofore addressed herewithin), and will always be, of a most solemn and numinous nature;

 

WHEREAS said Order met and deliberated in quinary quorum on the 25^th day of February on the 7^th Day of Holy Month of Adar (the day of the passing of Moses Our Teacher) at the Ralph Macchio Conference Center located on that certain real property commonly known as 12 North Salem Road, Town of Cross River, in the State of New York;

 

WHEREAS such solemn convocation and sacred proceedings were suddenly and outrageously violated and desecrated by the deliberate, wanton, and inexcusable Shartage, Sharting, and exudance of Shart of an old man who was subsequently evacuated therefrom on an emergency underpants-changing basis; and,

 

WHEREAS release of such Shartological pollutants attacked the senses of the Estimable Members so assembled, shocked the collective conscience of all Jewish Men wherever they be found, and was in clear contravention of the eternal axioms and principles of nature which the rational faculty reveals to all those who meditate thereupon.

 

THEREFORE BE IT SO RESOLVED THAT WE FEW JEWISH MEN do hereby:

 

1.      Censure said aforetohere mentioned Old Man;

2.      Declare that the release of such Shartological pollutants is prohibited as a matter of law at all future sacred Quora;

3.      Formally seek reparations from said Old Man for damages related to this august bodyπs emotional distress, olfactory and respiratory afflictions, Shartological stigma, and loss of honor and esteem.

4.      Delegate to such Estimable Members, collectively or individually, the discretion to petition any judicial body with competent jurisdiction, including the World Court, for redress of grievances.

 

By our mark:

 

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